I’m tired from things I had to do – that you didn’t make me – you were just being you.
I’m all used up from pushing so hard – to get there, to be there, to go the nine yards.
Again and again the pull of the norm; the done thing, tradition, weathering each storm.
No one knowing how unnatural it felt to never have nothing but what’s in my head.
So quiet now is needed more than before to make up for years of locking its door.
Taking what’s needed like a famine starved hound and taking extra while hitting the ground.
How long can I lie here? Can it please be forever?
I don’t want to be like That again ever –
That busy and shaky and buzzy and tired, and hopelessly desperate because I’m not wired
Like you and like them and the ones who set rules. Who mingle in parties and offices and schools.
Applaud me for trying, for getting a first on how to behave though it made me feel worse.
But please understand it took more than too much and I’m not even me now it sapped me such
That here I am begging: “I can’t carry on but I can’t even tell you because it feels so wrong – To crave that much quiet and empty and slow.
And will you understand?
I really don’t know.”
I want to be an eco-warrior and stand a-top a mound
Wave leaves and flowers like flags for the earth
And call to all around:
“Don’t kill the animals! Don’t poison the plants!
“Don’t burn trees to the ground!”
“Leave beauty where you see it.”
“Don’t covet all you’ve found.”
I want to fight for truth and hope
Teach sharing, caring ways
And show each human how wanting less will bring us better days
Let’s look past borders, let’s empower the poor
Let’s end this greedy phase
Give hope to future people
And the children that they raise
I want to change the way we teach: setting children on course for greed
Drive minds instead to long term plans
With warnings they must heed:
Give up your ego, give up your bling
Give time to thought and deed
See wealth for what it really is:
Taking more than you need.
For it is our greed that got us here:
Our desire to own and win.
Our minds must change from envy and respect
To avoiding this huge sin.
Quiet, committed thinkers
Are the role models for me
No Bransons, Trumps or Windsors
May ever come for tea
Admire the ones we’ve never heard of
Who never took a dime
Who ask for nothing in return
Though they’ve given so much time.
I’ll never be that warrior
Up high for all to see
I fear for the attention
And the conflict aimed at me
But I will heed my own message
And write for solidarity:
Power to the future
And the sea
Destroying nature is not progress
That’s for the trees.
No more BBC news.
No more cheap, fizzy booze
No more trolley-bumping blues
No more bargain-mad queues
The TV is off
There’s washing to be done
I have tea
I have Bach (The iPod is on)
Guitar strings plucked crisply
A fugue in my head
Preludes my anxious mind
For calm instead.
Overpowering the beat
Of a cortisol heart
Softening my movements
Challenging my part
Demanding yet giving
Slowing my thoughts
Music for living
A tune from the past
Confident and kind
Playing memories, plucking heart strings
Time in other times
That moment in this moment
That past living here
Creating a space
A pause in the fear
To listen, to feel
Tempos setting the pace
Finding my place