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Identifying and coping with being not autistic (or having Nonautism Disorder)

(Rachel is a normal, healthy autistic who has been working with Nonautistic sufferers all her life)

Non-autism Disability is a triad of impairments involving three or more of the following disorders:

1. Muted sensory awareness: Where the sufferer has a defective or lessened sense of smell, touch, hearing or visual awareness. Their palate might also be muted meaning they eat too much. Being defective in sound and vision abilities means they are often unaware of everything going on around them and miss out a lot on life. Sometimes they barely notice a touch or a flickering light as if they are not fully switched on to life.

2. Low Awareness Disorder: People inflicted with Nonautism Disability are often not taking in their surroundings enough and block out or ignore lots of detail. Although frustrating to live with people like this (friends, partners and families often report how they find their nonautistic family members hard work), people with nonautism can be very useful to us in the workplace as they achieve tasks with a devil-may-care attitude to their surroundings. It can be distressing, though, to watch them missing out on life.

3. Sleep Easy Disorder. Laboratory studies on sufferers of Nonautism Disorder show a common condition afflicting many subjects. They often find it too easy to “get over” stuff and unfortunately can fall asleep before examining what has gone wrong. This can be problematic for loved ones who might be distressed by their lack of interest in others’ feelings when their nonautistic companions don’t seem bothered about getting to the bottom of things.

4. “That’ll do” Disorder. People with Nonautism Disorder can plough through tasks like a machine. Their coldness and ability to detach themselves from deep emotions or distractions with ease means they ignore butterflies when gardening, never stop to dream when cleaning and always do things in a robot like order that may seem almost nonhuman to normal autistic people. You might often find a person with Nonautism Disorder has done exactly what they set out to do and finished on time which can be quite unsettling and unrealistic.

5. People with Nonautism Disorder have a Be Like Us Disability which makes them very samey. They often greet each other with the expression “Hi. How are you? I’m good.” – rarely deviating into lengthy sentences about the intricacies of life, and seem bewildered by those who do. They can often be found in groups staring blankly at anyone who is not like them.

6. Oversocialising Disorder. Nonautism Disability means the brain is defective at keeping the mouth from chatting. Idle chit-chat and gossip and pointless accounts about TV programmes or celebrities come pouring out. Family members often report their distress at the way their loved ones can’t control this Disability and have set up support groups to talk about them behind their backs. It’s possible that the Forced to Fit movement may be helpful in this area.

7. Deep Caring Deficit. Experts believe nonautistics simply don’t have the capacity to care enough. But they can be taught to mask this and can learn sets of pretences to help them fit. When forced to repeat “Wow!”, “Did you hear that!”, “Isn’t that beautiful”, in small rooms for days on end, some patients can become really quite convincing and often be mistaken for having normal healthy, easily distracted, autistic minds.

Recent studies are beginning to show evidence that this pretence might be exhausting though and never become natural to them but the jury is still out on that so the Forced to Fit movement still continues. Nonautistic Awareness Day has been set up to raise money for the founder members’ stable block and holidays.

There are text books and TV characters that accurately depict all non-autistic people. If you want to know more about how all non-autistic people behave then look no further than Lorraine Kelly. Non autism is mostly a female trait with more than 99 percent of non autistics being just like Lorraine Kelly. Some nonautistics are more disabled but just like her most are likely to spend a lot of time sitting on sofas chatting, making small talk and asking people questions about their lives.

Nonautistics are often funny without realising it and it’s good to laugh at fictional nonautistic characters in films and point out how we are better than them.

The debate continues on whether we should call people with Nonautism “A Person with Nonautism” or “A Nonautism Person”. Many family members say their loved ones – although difficult to live with – are still a person first and foremost despite their disability, and so they prefer to say they are a Person with nonautism and hope that one day a cure can be found and their nonautism removed. Normal Autistic people have first choice in this of course and must decide what to call people with Nonautism because we are the ones who write the studies and text books and tolerate the Nonautism affliction in others.

If you feel you or a loved one is suffering from Nonautism Disorder contact your General Practioner who may or may not know enough to help you, may or may not agree with you and may or may not put you on a long waiting list to be clinically assessed with the guarantee of an uncertain outcome and uncertain support. Don’t worry though. We’ve watched Lorraine Kelly and we all know exactly what you are all like.

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