I’m taking some time away from social media. I will continue to need to take photos as I have always done and I will put them on my Instagram page – because for me this is an important part of living and recording life – but I’m turning off all notifications and deleting a few apps from my phone for a while. A run of negative stuff has put me on a back foot and I need to know how I really feel and not only how I feel when I’m all triggered and anxious. I know my feelings are valid but just what I should do about them I don’t know. I’ve had a lifetime of absorbing these things and making myself ill and I’m not sure I can do that anymore.
It takes a lot of determination for an autistic person to change their thinking from negative connotations about their brain wiring to ones of self-love, self-respect and self-acceptance. Indeed, some people never get there. I did get there but it is a ceaseless mission to keep fighting a society that triggers the negatives and the bad thoughts and the prejudice. I am smart enough and happy enough to know they are all false and there is not a faulty gene or faulty wiring – it’s just a way of being human and I am fine with it but the world still is not and it is still triggering my anxiety and still asking me to fight back.
So I’m going to go away and be me and be happy about that and the negative shit be buggered.