No, Body Clock, let’s not do that…

Body clock at 4am: ‘Well, hi there! Hey! Hello!’

Me: ‘Fuck off’

Body clock: ‘Wake up, wake up, wake up! What shall we do?’

Me: ‘How about we sleep?’

Body clock: ‘But it’s 4am’

Me: ‘Exactly. Fuck off’

Body clock: ‘But we always wake up at 4am’

Me: ‘No. That’s just some shit you’re pulling on me this week. Last week it was 3am. The week before it was 5am.’

Body clock: ‘Well, you’re awake now. What shall we worry about? How about we play What didn’t I do today?’

Me: ‘Stop it.’

Body clock: ‘Okay. How about What’s gone wrong recently?’

Me: ‘No.’

Body clock: ‘I know – All the stupidest things I’ve ever done….??? With pictures?! I can do play back? That’ll really wake you up’

Me: ‘You’re giving me palpitations. I just want to sleep.’

Body clock: ‘Why? Why do you want to sleep?’

Me: ‘So I can get up and do things tomorrow and not feel like shit or need to sleep late.’

Body clock: ‘You can sleep in the morning. Getting up early is boring.’

Me: ‘But I want to get up. I want to do all the things I need to do.’

Body clock: ‘Ooooh!!! What things???!!! Let’s worry! Let’s play Try to make a list in the dark with just your rubbish tired memory!!! Hooray!’

Me: ‘Fuck off’

Body clock: ‘You’re doing it aren’t you? I know you’re doing it.’

Me: ‘Fuck off’

Body clock: ‘Well… It’s 5am now. I might just have a snooze…’ …

Me: ‘It’s 7am. It’s morning.’

Body clock: ‘Fuck off’

Me: ‘It’s 8am. I should get up.’

Body clock: ‘Fuck off’

Me: ‘Oh god. It’s 9am. Look what you’ve done to me.’

Body clock: ‘Just another 5 minutes… I’m tired. I’ve been up half the night.’

Me: ‘Let’s drink tea.’

Body clock: ‘Cheat’

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