Honesty

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It’s hard to be honest about how much a flashing light bothers you, how much the sun gets on your nerves. Every one loves the sun, right?

It’s difficult to be honest about how you’d rather sit a little way away from someone because their body heat is overlapping into your personal space, their food breath is wafting up your nostrils, their laundry should have been rinsed more thoroughly (‘Is that a biological 2-in-1 she uses?’)

It’s not easy to be honest about how the sudden hug you got that threw you momentarily and made you want to pull away was welcome but you should have been asked first. How you need warning even for the very nicest of things.

It’s embarrassing to explain honestly that you struggled to get dressed this morning because your clothes felt like they touched your skin too much after a shower. You’d rather sit naked on the floor alone for an hour and maybe just write something or read something and get dressed a couple of hours later than everyone else.

It’s almost too complicated to explain honestly how you really like someone’s face and eyes and company but if you didn’t have to look at them and could have a conversation from behind the sofa or in the dark or perhaps by email you’d be able to get your words in the right order and be more confident.

It’s impossible to be honest about how you hid all day just because being yourself is something you are a little bit ashamed of, embarrassed about, and yet you need to be yourself so you don’t go mad.

The honest truth is there if anyone wants it. But you don’t share it because you know no one really wants that kind of honesty.



5 thoughts on “Honesty

  1. We all need that sort of honesty at times. And the more people like you talk about how it feels, the better it will be for everyone. More power to you, Rachel. And just to warn you, I’m sending a virtual hug 🙂

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  2. Some people seem to crave company, greet it with warmth, and find physical closeness and touching a vital part of communication and company; without it, they feel left out, unfulfilled somehow. Others need the space around them to distil their reality in a peaceful way; too much interpersonal huggery (physical, mental or visual) becomes overcrowding, claustrophobic or even threatening. It’s so interesting, how people differ. We need different people, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to evolve. I think it’s ok to need your own space.

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  3. I really like being honest because it’s hard to keep the crazy in and I am wondering if it’s ever worth it. I don’t really know how to say this but I will just be honest lol. I was recently diagnosed and reading relevant books and connecting with this topic of aspergers has left me wanting to explode with being hyper aware and I am really looking to just talk to someone who understands and can help me process. I just want to vent but don’t know the social protocol or “formula” to get that done in a non-weird or awkward way.

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