Learning is not a straight line

shutterstock_128134913This is a biggie. I don’t know where to start or stop with this. Where does a discussion around education begin or end? It doesn’t. It just goes around in loops and swirls, wrapping around and weaving through life. You can’t get away from it even if you’re not at school or employed in education.
It’s like all those big things people might be heard to say aren’t for them: politics, feminism, environmentalism. It’s funny because all of those things are for them, about them, to do with them and involve them, but people may be so alienated by language, systems and ideas that they don’t feel involved. And yet we talk about our lives, schools, hospitals, transport, children, energy bills, playing fields, planning permissions, personal struggles, parenting and uneven relationships all the time. We are completely involved in politics, women’s issues and the environment whether we think so or not.

It’s the same with education. We probably feel we are either in it or out of it. We get to a certain age at which we are legally allowed to reject education or draw a line underneath it for a while. If we think we’ve had enough formal institutionalised learning we can get on with earning or living or child-rearing or growing a business or growing prize-winning turnips or travelling the world. Education comes as a construct we are led into and we step out of and then we are not doing it anymore.

“I just don’t want to be in education anymore,” our eighteen year-old daughter said to us yesterday, a day after getting her 6th form college results. No university, no foundation course, no access course, no nothing. She’s had enough learning. Or has she? Has she just had enough of the particular way her education was going?

Learning is not the same as education though – as I am repeatedly reminded. Education is wrapped up in systems, languages and traditions; institutions, instructions and rules; masters and students, lessons and exams, while learning is just something we do all day every day. By stepping outside of the systems of education we don’t choose to stop learning. We choose a different life style.

Despite knowing all this, I’m struggling with our daughter’s decisions. I’m not caught up in any academic or intellectual snobbery, I’m not concerned for her to earn vast sums of money or even avoid being “lumbered” with kids at a young age. I have no problems with any of those things. But I am concerned for her decision not to walk the expected line of education and find she never has the guts to get on it again only to find her ambitions are scuppered through that missing qualification. What I have to separate out in my head here is how much of this is my problem, how much of this is society’s problem and how much of it is her problem? And what do I do or say? Silence can mean so much, sometimes too much. It can signal disinterest – disapproval even, so I can’t say nothing.

So why can’t I just say I love her and I’m proud of her and I’ll be happy whatever she decides?

Well, I have said that – or words to that effect. But I’ve also asked her to think, and to have dreams; to imagine where/how she’d like to be a few years from now and to try to make some choices and set some wheels in motion based on that.

Life choices are difficult at any age. They are difficult for parents too. I can’t tell our daughter she must stay in full-time formal education. Well I can but she’ll just say no. I think I’ve just got to the stage where I can never ever tell her what to do again and that’s scary. Bloody scary.

It’s not a fact that a good education and a degree guarantee you a good job (discuss “good job”): certain educations give you a certain advantage in certain areas. Looking at the people with the most influence over the way our country is run in 2013, a good education is no guarantee of being a great person either. It’s not good having a degree if it didn’t teach you how to think. Many people do seem to use education in a straight, measured way, get what they want and step off. The rest of us want to relate it more to real life and find the conveyor belt system rather unrewarding. It seems in our daughter’s last interview for an art course she didn’t feel, as an artist, her particular taste style and needs would be accommodated for. Instead she would be made to fit.

So maybe, just maybe, learning for our daughter will continue without formal education. Maybe our proud moments will come without a badge, a certificate or a ceremony. Maybe her job interviews will be based on skills and experience or just being a nice, bright person. Maybe her artistic skills will land her a job without a degree, maybe she will go back to college one day and acquire a completely different set of skills. Who knows…? We still are, and will be, proud of her.

I’ve just taken a phone call for her as I was writing this. She applied for a few jobs yesterday and someone’s offered her an interview for a job as kitchen staff. If it’s what she wants right now I hope she gets it and it goes well. All I know is it’s not up to me anymore.

Whatever happens now, she’ll learn something from it – that’s for sure.

I’m still learning that learning is not a straight line for parents either!

Good luck to our first baby on her first year off the conveyor belt.

I might be crying a bit now…



2 thoughts on “Learning is not a straight line

  1. I loved reading this and it brought back memories of when I was 17. My dad has always been very supportive and I decided to move out and work. I did make some mistakes but when ever I went to him to talk I remember he always use to say “Lisa, I’m not going to tell you what to do, all I can do, as your father is give you some advice and tell you what I think and whatever happens I’m here for you” It really did make me think and gave me nothing to rebel against. 15 years later and 2 children and a different jobs `i have realised that only now what I want to do. I wish you and your family luck in whatever direction it takes you. x

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  2. Wishing her – and you! – lots of happiness in whatever she decides to do. (It took me thirty-odd years to figure out that this is the only thing that really matters when making these decisions. Although, I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that we can’t make these decisions for our kids…) xx

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