I’ve decided to sit myself down at my desk.
(Well… at a kind of surface)
To have a meeting with myself about why I’m not doing my work.
I am the student and the adult and the person who has had to dish out all the money for all these studies over the years. I am both frustrated with myself and in need of guidance.
I’m on my 12th OU module
I was 30 when I took my 1st course. I am now 42. (I stopped studying for 4 years when child No.3 was born.)
Although I have completed 11 modules successfully, I dropped out of 6 (4 of those were only short courses) before I knew in which direction I wanted to head.
I have stuck at and passed every single assignment and every single module in the last three years despite the grief of losing a parent and my son suffering from a head injury.
I now have a BA, and if I finish this current module, I will have a BA honours.
I’m already 3 assignments into a 6-assignment module.
The final 3 assignments are in Feb, March and April. Plus 1 end-of-course assignment (instead of an examination) in May.
I have stopped opening my books.
I am worryingly behind with my reading.
I like what I have been reading but I don’t want to do the work bit.
I keep thinking, ‘Maybe tomorrow’ … ‘Maybe later…’ … ‘Maybe I don’t want to do this at all…’
I should have started work on the next assignment but I’m in no position to and I have no inclination to.
Why have I stopped?
What if I drop out? It’s no big deal is it?
If I drop out of this course I will not complete my honours degree. I will have spent A. Lot.
of money on a course I didn’t finish. I will have sniffed at but not touched the finish line.
The regrets may build over the years. The me in the future will be cross with the me of now.
What am I doing?
I know I can do it.
So why am I not?
I don’t know.
The student’s not talking to me.
I can only assume she has some sort of burnout.