Some brains don’t do busy very well.
Today I made the important decision to draw a line under my mad NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) dash this year.
I have written nothing for it for ten days. But I have written other things so I know that I can only blame my finger injury and family life for three of those days, and the rest has been me just not getting down to it, and maybe a feeling that perhaps the time isn’t right this month.
Because I’d enjoyed the experience and was pleased with how I managed to squeeze everything in last year, I wanted to achieve something similar this year. I cried when I finished last year. At the time I was taking creative writing and psychology modules with the OU and probably just about got away with not putting enough effort into my studies for a few weeks.
It turns out that that the literature course I am doing this year involves me thinking a lot more than I have ever had to before and when I’m not thinking I want to play with the washing or the garden or go for a walk, or even talk to my husband. When I am writing for anything other than OU at the moment I want it to be with little or no commitment; a piece of flash, a blog post, not part of something I’m tied to. It’s possible that reading about how other writers write is so interesting that I’m taking longer reading and thinking about the discussions in the course books than the suggested hours of study. I can see how some of it relates to the way I write – and some of it doesn’t – and empathise with the lives I read about in their letters or by the people who have studied them.
I have one of those infuriating heads that is probably equally as infuriating to those who know me as it is to me. I just cannot have a lot going on in my life or even my ears, in my vision, in the same room as me! I think this is why I am terrible socially – it’s sensory overload plus thought chaos. Sometimes I can’t even read Twitter because the thought of having to cope with a conversation overwhelms me. Odd I know. It can make me seem rude or selfish when sometimes it is quite the opposite; I’m internally wrangling about the best way to deal with a situation.
Yesterday I had what I suppose is commonly described as a meltdown.
I felt that I might as well have been spinning on the spot singing in Elvish at the top of my voice while the room turned onto a whirl of indefinable whooshes of colour and I tried to catch random curve balls. I was and am getting nowhere, completing nothing and wondering how to prioritise. I was also coming down with a cold and felt something’s got to give before I end up with post-viral fatigue again.
So, I’m clearing the decks in order to limit the ‘everything and nothing’ feeling. I can’t focus – I don’t know how to but I can make sure I have only one thing in front of me so that when my eyes or my mind wander they can’t stray too far.
Good luck to everyone still on the mad, fun NaNoWriMo ride. I love it, and wish everyone well.
Maybe next year…
Or maybe I’ll have my own private NaNoWriMo without telling anyone. 😉