Because You Want It


This thing: you know you should have it?
You want it don’t you? You need it.
Take it, have it, get one, you need it. Take it, have it, get one, you need it.

You know that most other people have one? (Anyone who’s anyone, anyway.)
You’ll get left behind. You’ll look different. Incomplete.
You see how having this thing has made other people’s lives better?
Take it, have it, get one, you need it. Take it, have it, get one, you need it.

You want it, don’t you? You need it.
You should have it. Go on. Have one.
You deserve it.
Take it have it get one you need it take it have it get one you need it.

Listen to my rhyme:
Have this thing; then you’ll fit it.
Have this thing; make your heart sing
You want this thing; all the joy it will bring
This thing this thing; it’s for you and those around you.
I’ll sing it to you. And sing it again. You’ll go to sleep singing it. You wake up singing it. You’ll dream of this thing and how you’ll know the joys that others feel to have this thing.

Who do you want to look like? Most want to be like? They have this thing. They love this thing. See how happy they are with this thing? They were just like you once, and now they are rich and famous and have this thing. See how easy it is?
Take it have it get one you need it take it have it get one you need it take it have it get one you need it take it have it get one you need it. TAKE IT HAVE IT GET ONE YOU NEED IT TAKE IT HAVE IT GET ONE YOU NEED IT!

Welcome to your new Thing. Congratulations on planning to save twice as much as you earn in a year in order to afford to pay off the loan for This Thing. Please choose a category.
I’m sorry – that function is only available on This Thing 2. Update to This Thing 2 for a limited period only at our special price of four hundred and ninety-nine pounds and ninety-nine pence.

This Thing 2: you know you should have it?
You want it don’t you. You need it.
Take it, have it, get one, you need it. Take it, have it, get one, you need it.

It’s more beautiful than Thing 1. It’s more important than love. In fact, it is love.
It is love and the beauty of nature all rolled into one. You won’t want for anything again with This Thing 2. It will love you. Everyone will love you.
Take it, have it, get one, you need it. Take it, have it, get one, you need it.

We don’t care what you have to do to get one.
Just get one.



Welcome to the This Thing 47 helpline. As an existing customer your call is in a queue and is important to us. But not as important as those new customers we are still trying to get addicted to having Things. We hope you are enjoying your something else to dust.

Loser.
All the cool people have This Thing 48, now.

6 thoughts on “Because You Want It

  1. That reminds me so much of London life and the ‘need’ to have the latest thing. Gives me a headache just reading it but it’s a great piece of writing.

    Like

  2. So glad I’m not one who has to have This Thing. You have really captured the psychological power of having to have the next best thing here Rachel. Super job!

    Like

  3. As a downsizer, I can finally say (with huge relief) that twenty year addiction to things has been … well, reduced. But the present owning of money briefly, before building work happens on our house, makes my retail nerve endings twitch. Timely reminder.

    Like

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