A Voice Released
I wrote it quickly as a challenge to come up with a story in a limited time from the prompt word “shoes” and it was also my first ever blog post.
I did it again the next day with the word “lemon” and then the next day with the word “mist”.
I didn’t set these stories out correctly, I didn’t edit them. I didn’t really know all the rules about layout. But people read them and enjoyed them and – as the old saying goes – something clicked.
(If you’re interested, look back to the archives for August 2009)
I felt my pulse race. I felt the buzz of childhood Christmases and I felt the high of holding a new baby after giving birth. Letting my imagination loose, arranging and rearranging words, creating and freeing a bundle of thoughts in my brain and making them into a thing, some thing that I had made – oh, bliss…. The whole beginning-to-end process was what had been missing from my life!
The way I felt before I opened my word processor and released that first flood of words was like carrying a big heavy rock around my neck for years marked “unfulfilled” . Now suddenly I could take it off and put it to one side. To describe what has happened to me, my head, my self-esteem, sense of self, confidence in my own opinions, etc, etc, etc, in the last year and a half since “shoes” would take pages and pages.
For the last 18 months, I have called my blog “A Creative Writing Journey”. It was to be about me and my journey from a beginner on a soon to start Open University creative writing course and would follow my progress.
But that’s not how it worked out. I was a student, yes and I wrote about the course a bit. But what happened was deeper than that.
I became a writer. A real, proper, writing-for-my life writer. I now think I was always a writer-in-waiting.
I started writing down my thoughts about being a writer, a parent, a member of the human race and gradually stopped shying away from my deep-seated and until then well-hidden values and beliefs. I had been scared of myself, worried that my environmental, socialist leanings would alienate me. Worried that my honesty about struggling with daily life would make me look self-obsessed or in need of medical attention. And I was scared that my creative/fictional ideas wouldn’t be good enough to get me a writer’s badge.
I bravely took the thoughts and concerns that were in my head and I made them into blog posts. Sometimes straightforward rants, sometimes humorous parodies and sometimes short stories with obvious or hidden messages depending on the mood. I now starve, freeze and isolate myself to concentrate on what I am working on or thinking about. Sometimes I’m in pain and I don’t care.
Through this recent writing I have spoken the words I couldn’t speak for years, voiced the concerns about my fellow human beings that I have held close for years and released the creative flow that has been dammed for years.
I have worn away the edges of the stick of rock that is me and found that it has WRITER written right through the middle of it. Whichever way life bites me now I will always be a writer.
So today it dawned on me that my blog is no longer a creative writing journey. It is a website dedicated to sharing my thoughts and my fiction. It is a platform for my voice. My opinionated voice, my writer’s voice and the voices of my characters who – based on my observations of life – have a right to be heard.
I am releasing voices. I am not going on a “journey” (!)
So the new name for my site is A Voice Released. It’s about me and it’s about them.