The Crap Sponge
I have this sponge. No one can see it. But I know it’s there. I call it the crap sponge because it’s there to deal with and soak up all the crap I have to put up with in life. Lots of people have one but mine is quite big. Sometimes I feel it getting heavy but I can usually carry it.
When I was three the Fairy Sponge Mother visited me and said I had to have an even bigger sponge. I was going to need it, she said. Sure enough I had a lot of crap to deal with that year and was grateful for the greater crap-soaking-up capacity.
Throughout my childhood I went around with this invisible but heavy sponge full of crap and found that it was a bit of a hindrance but I hid it well, I think, and was especially sensitive to others who looked like they might be struggling with big sponges.
My capacity for taking crap has come in handy throughout my life and I am normally very willing to put up with other people’s crap because I recognise a small crap sponge carrier when I see one and am only too happy to help out.
Unfortunately two years of extraordinarily heavy crap brought one onslaught after another and I fear my sponge is now full and painful and beginning to leak.
I have heard that even crap sponges have a remarkable recovery rate if left to dry in the air for a while. So I’m wondering whether my poor sponge is allowed a break. I’m actually quite fond of it, we’ve been together so long now.
It may be tricky because the other sponges in this house are oddly shaped and can be a bit unpredictable.
Maybe a crap holiday would help. Perhaps a crap movie… I’ve seen how other people leak when they watch crap films. Then afterwards perhaps my crap sponge and I could go to bed with a crap book.