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Omission

‘Sorry – do you mind? I’ll just sit here on the floor. I won’t get in your way.’

‘Doesn’t bother me. Seems a shame with that lovely skirt though. An hour they give me for these loos. An hour, I tell you! I could clean all day and still not get rid of that smell. Gawd knows what they do in here Friday nights and I’m not sure I want to know.
Someone’s wedding, is it?
Oh, there, there. Have some bog roll. Emotional things – weddings. A winter wedding, hey? Did she wear white?’

‘Hasn’t happened yet. Twelve o’clock. But I’m not sure she should marry. I don’t think she’ll be faithful.’

‘And you’re wondering whether to say something to the groom before it’s too late?’

‘Something like that. Be easier to stay here and not go at all.’

‘Sit there as long as you like, love. Nice buttonhole. What are they?’

‘Snowdrops for hope, violets for faithfulness. Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment.’

‘You married?’

‘Not yet.’

‘Still young, plenty of time. Me and Don never married. He wasn’t perfect but I loved him. I learnt to ignore him straying because it was better than the alternative.’

‘Which was?’

‘Not being with him.
Five to, love. You’ll miss it.’

‘It’s okay. They won’t start without me.’

‘You’ve pulled all the violets out.’

‘That leaves me with hope. It’s better than the alternative.’

‘It’s your wedding? But you said…
So who’s the lucky feller?’

She is. Bye.’

‘Oh…’

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Very nice twist. Well done, keep them coming!

    Like

    12/08/2010
  2. Rachel #

    I’ve realised there are a couple of ways of looking at this ending and I like that. Some people don’t like the uncertainty and want the author to spell out exactly their intention. But as it’s my blog I’m leaving it a bit ‘Is it this or is it that?’ So there. 😀

    Like

    12/08/2010
  3. I really enjoyed the twist the first time I read it. I read it a second time and came to a different conclusion. Very cool!

    Like

    12/08/2010
  4. Nice! Deft.

    Like

    12/08/2010
  5. emma_kerry #

    Read it three times and decided it means something different each time. Love that, Ill probably be thinking about what it does mean all day though. Another great story!

    Like

    12/08/2010
  6. Love it. Delegating the rest to the reader is high art.

    Genre? Go with ‘slice of life’. Those seeking ‘slice of life’ will appreciate this one.

    Like

    12/08/2010
    • Rachel #

      High art, you say? …. 🙂 I like that. Thank you!

      Will put it under slice of life then, thanks Donald

      Like

      12/08/2010
  7. Loved this, made me chuckle. Especially the cleaner’s voice, came across really clearly.

    😀

    Like

    12/08/2010
    • Rachel #

      Thanks, Becca xx

      Like

      12/08/2010
  8. Great voice in here, Rach and a great vignette. You really captured the hope, the nerves, the doubt…the emotion. Great job.

    Like

    12/08/2010
    • Rachel #

      Thanks Claire

      Like

      13/08/2010
  9. Love the twist at the end, and the way the cleaner helps her to decide what to do… brilliant.

    Like

    12/08/2010
    • Rachel #

      Thanks Rebecca

      Like

      13/08/2010
  10. I love the conversational voices, you have captured real personalities there, especially the cleaner. You have managed to convey a lot just through the conversation, and I like the way the story emerges gradually, with the cleaner acting as a catalyst. The violets are a nice touch, as is the twist at the end.

    Like

    12/08/2010
  11. yearzerowriters #

    Loved the make up of the buttonhole spray signifying the emotional choices

    marc nash

    Like

    13/08/2010
  12. I love a good story written all in dialogue. And this is one of the best I’ve read. Nicely done. I like her–I don’t want her heart to be broken.

    Like

    13/08/2010
  13. RedMango #

    Very nice post!

    Like

    18/10/2010

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